From University at Albany to Teachers College Columbia in one jump
Emma Langsford UA23 and Jim Stellar
I met Emma as a senior in a psychology class where I gave a guest lecture. She had questions that turned out to be better than so many others and we began to talk. That led to me writing a recommendation for her to graduate school, and in the fall she will pursue her Master’s in Psychology at Columbia Teachers College.
I met Dr. Stellar during the first semester of my senior year at UAlbany. During this time, I was figuring out what I wanted to do after graduation. I knew I wanted to pursue higher education, with the long term goal of getting my PhD in some area of psychology. I was captivated by Dr. Stellar’s presentation, in which he talked about how having a growth mindset was the key indicator of success. After the class ended, I approached Dr. Stellar and asked if he would be open to meeting with me. I was curious about his life, and what brought him to his current position, hoping that it would help me find some direction in my pursuits. Apart from writing me recommendations for graduate schools and jobs, Dr. Stellar helped me to narrow down my options for what I wanted to study, and helped ease my mind about the application process. I only applied to two schools, NYU and Columbia.
Were you intimidated when you applied?
When I applied, I was hopeful that I would get in, but it was really a shot in the dark. I knew that, regardless of whether it was now or in a year after I gained more experience, those schools were where I wanted to be. When I received my decision from Teachers College, I opened it immediately, certain that it would be a rejection. To my surprise, what I saw instead was a confetti lined message saying, “Congratulations on your acceptance to Teachers College!” So I guess, to answer your question in less words, I was intimidated, but the idea of being accepted to Columbia seemed so unattainable that I never let myself think it was possible.
Let’s go to the next step. Were you intimidated when you did your interview? I do not remember my interview but when I got into the University of Pennsylvania psychology doctoral program from my small college (Ursinus), and we all met for the first time, I was freaked out as everyone else seemed to be from the ivy league. So, I know what I did. How did you handle it?
Listening to the other admitted students’ backgrounds during my virtual information session, I couldn’t help but wonder if my acceptance was some kind of mistake. Maybe my application got confused with another student’s, who had attended Yale and had accomplishments far above my own. Truthfully, I knew this wasn’t the case. I worked very hard during my time at UAlbany, achieving good grades, building my resume, and making connections. I know that this is what led me to be accepted to Teachers College, but I still can’t shake the feeling that I am somehow undeserving of being around such great minds.
This is exactly what I thought when I met my fellow graduate students for the first time. I did not prepare as well as you did in college, but I did in graduate school. I had the advantage of doing a junior/senior year summer internship in the lab where I was accepted and so I went back that summer before graduate school started in the fall. I did most of what would turn out to be my first year graduate research project before the others even arrived. I still felt intimidated by them but the hard work paid off and I gradually relaxed during my first semester.
We will have to check back to see if you relax in your first semester. But the question I want to suggest we take up here, is that concept of working hard itself and the emotional benefit it has while you are doing it and after to know you did your best. What do you think of how hard work compensates for what we both felt?
Growing up, I was not the high achiever that I am now. I was never first place for anything – and I have the participation trophies to show for it. Even now, I’m not sure if I would classify myself as a hard worker, or instead someone who simply got lucky. My drive to pursue great things was something that I was taught, not something inherently within me. The motivation I have now was instilled in me by the encouragement of my family, friends, professors, and mentors – accompanied by my passion to help others, which I’ve always had. I guess what I’m getting at is that the term “hard working” is not something that I would use to describe myself. I had the privilege of not having to work to make money while in undergrad. While I did hold part-time positions when my schedule allowed, I didn’t have to. I was able to focus only on my classes and extracurriculars, allowing me to excel in both. I think that, because of my privilege, I received emotional compensation for my hard work, giving me the tools to develop a growth mindset, and ultimately, culminating in my academic success.
You have taken the point of “hard work” in an interesting direction. Like you, I was born into a family that was middle class or maybe slightly better. So while I worked and certainly had to work hard in studying to keep up with my peers, I never had to fear for enough money to have the basics. I could concentrate on school in college and figuring out who I was. What experiences led you to the conclusion that privilege and hard work go hand in hand?
There are a couple of instances that come to mind when I think about this intersection between privilege and hard work. I have always taken great interest in learning and observing others around me, which is unsurprising given my fascination with psychology. During my time at Troy High School, I watched many of my peers, who worked just as diligently as I did or even harder, be unable to go to college because of financial limitations. This opened my eyes to the privilege I had, and this pattern repeated itself in college, where I saw my close friends face similar challenges. Most of their struggles stemmed from the fact that they had to work to support themselves, which significantly diminished the time they could give to their academic pursuits.
Let me make another point. During my freshman year of high school I was diagnosed with ADHD, and as soon as I began medication, my academic performance completely changed. I went from barely passing my classes to out-performing many of my peers, and I remember feeling immense relief that the cause of my underperformance was due to a disability instead of my own stupidity. The years I spent trying my hardest, only to face continuous setbacks and failures, fostered an internal barrier within me. This barrier led me to believe that I was inherently incapable of achieving success, and it took me a long time to overcome this mindset and regain my confidence. My point is that, in addition to financial instability, the weight of an undiagnosed disability can serve as another obstacle, depriving individuals of the emotional rewards that should accompany their hard work.
You have given us two additional forms of hard work to consider. We started with the idea that applying oneself in the classroom, and having some success at it, can counter (perhaps at the limbic system, implicit level) the intimidation that one might feel when faced with trying to continue one’s education at the ivy-league level (which you just did and again did I long ago). Now we have two additional ways in which intimidation or lack of confidence can be overcome in charting future success. The first of these is having pulled oneself up by one’s financial bootstraps. Second, we could also explore how a disability could be removed (e.g. ADHD, or in my case a self-belief that I am dyslexic). That knowledge and the resulting academic success when it is treated could instill confidence. So, can I now talk you into writing a few more blogs over the summer?
I would love to do that!
We will be back.
One point at the end is that this blog series is really about how experiential education produces not only knowledge of the field, but maturity, a bit of professional wisdom, and a kind of quiet confidence. We think that this growth comes by putting to work in the real world the material studied in the classes. From a neuroscience perspective, we also think that experience teaches the limbic system at a gut or emotional level. Then when that implicit knowledge combines with explicit or academic knowledge, one gets a more mature and more confident student.
